(Originally posted on Facebook June 1, 2020)

I didn’t have words, but I need to say something.

For years, I have watched painful events go by and social media posts roll through my feed as violence claims lives that should not have been lost. The ones that hurt the most were the ones that said, “if you don’t say something,…”. What could I say? A big part of my world is writing, developing and shaping words for one project or another. I write regularly for multiple organizations and causes. For this though, I have no words.

I didn’t have words, but I need to say something.

What words could help the countless mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters and other family members who were mourning? No words could take away their pain or bring their loved ones back. No words can justify the needless loss that our society will feel because that creative soul, that beautiful life was taken from our world.

I didn’t have words, but I need to say something.

Some of the events involved police violence. I have friends, men and women I respect, who wear the uniform. They have stepped up to serve the community in ways I don’t think I could. All of them grieve when a situation goes down like George Floyd. All of them carry extra stigma or risk when posts fly that implicate officers as though all of them were guilty. No words can defend them or make them feel appreciated when they are judged by the actions of their fellow officers.

I didn’t have words, but I need to say something.

What about so many of my African American friends and people I treasure who are raising African American children? In this world where they live in fear that one of these incidents could hit much closer to home at some point? What about the young people I have invested years of my life in, stories I know, faces I treasure? What about these young African American men and women who I know God has charged to bring transformation to our world? Will my words change their experience? No words can fix those fears or the society that gives rise to them.

I didn’t have words, but I need to say something.

Growing up in a mostly sheltered, mostly white neighborhood and school system, I didn’t really grasp or understand the effects of racism still present in our world today. Coming to the college campus where I connected to a diverse community of Christ-followers helped. Developing deep and sincere friendships with African Americans who had very different stories from my own helped. But I still don’t fathom this to the depths that I would normally prefer when I’m going to write about something. I am grateful for friends who loved and trusted me enough to unpack and contribute to my journey. Even with that though, how could I write a fitting response when I know that I still only understand a portion of the devastation?

I didn’t have words, but I need to say something.

One reason I didn’t have words is because I was looking for words that would heal in every direction and offend in none. My goal typically is to write to encourage and build people up, in their lives and in their faith. I have no words that will do this for everyone. What if I say something that doesn’t love enough? Or makes light of someone else’s pain? Is it better to be silent than say something stupid? I certainly don’t want to be “Job’s friends” in moments like this. Another reason I didn’t have words is because I am traditionally writing words that say “look at me” and I measure the effectiveness of the words by the number of likes and positive comments. But this situation is not one you can easily heal without fear of offense.

Today, I have words and I choose to say something.

I care. I may not always speak up, but please know that it’s more because I don’t know what to say than because I don’t care. I’m going to try to get better.

I’m heartbroken. Sincerely heartbroken for the loss of life that so many families are facing. I won’t try to pretend I can relate but I choose to weep with those who weep.

I’m sorry and I’m grateful. To officers who carry the blame when things go down, who keep serving even when it’s hard.

I hate it. For my friends who live in fear for their lives and the lives of their loved ones.

I’m going to learn. I have been taking notes as friends posted suggested reading in this area. It will take time, but I’m committing to educate myself in this area.

Look at this tragedy. For anyone who isn’t already paying attention, I don’t write this to say “look at me” but to call you to look with me at the effects of racism in our society. Let’s pray and work to bring change, even when we don’t have words.

Side note: for those who, like me for so many years, read these posts but still don’t have the words, I have two encouragements:

• Listen. Don’t walk away from the conversation when it gets uncomfortable. You may find words eventually, but even if you don’t, caring means paying attention.
• Show up. If you see a friend in pain in this area, stand with them, serve them, love them in the midst of it.