Eric

Millie

The righteous care…

I haven’t written a blog post in a while, but our family is grieving tonight. Writing about it seemed called for.

For years, when the girls were young, I resisted the idea of getting a dog for the family. Adena always joked that they would look at me one day with those sweet, beautiful, blue eyes and I would give in. I knew she was probably right. This dad is a big softie, especially for these girls (who I now call my ladies, since they aren’t young anymore).

I had a quick response, slightly in jest, but carrying a ring of truth as well:

“I don’t want to spend money to feed something that will never spend money to feed itself.”

At that point, I was focused on the economics. A dog meant more grocery budget, but I didn’t anticipate the half of it. When I relented almost ten years ago, we brought home a sweet beagle who was a few years old. And it wasn’t just the grocery budget. It was toys and beds and veterinary bills and later it was medicine and bigger veterinary bills. We paid for dog sitters and kennel stays when we went out of town. And the economics of this added up! I wasn’t wrong to resist this idea, if my only motivation was financial.

Don’t give up on me yet; you can probably hear the “but” coming. But…

But Adena was right about me. My love for those girls meant I would override my financial preferences. And I did, one Christmas. I surprised them with a package of dog items, wrapped under the tree. In January, we went out to a local rescue to check out some dogs. Millie, that sweet beagle I referenced above, let us know she wanted to go home with us. So home she came!

The dog added more to our life
Millie was captivated by her first snow.

You won’t be surprised to learn that our experience with Millie wasn’t just the financial one I was afraid of.

We started walking around our neighborhood, which I hadn’t done much before. We had lived in the house for nearly ten years at that point, but I didn’t know many people beyond the ones who lived immediately around us. Millie became a source of community and conversation. We met and built relationships with neighbors on the other side of the block. These were people we might never have known.

I wrote about another insight I gained from those walks previously here on the blog. From her earliest days in our world, Millie challenged me to slow down and think differently.

God used Millie to help me reflect on my own patterns. I needed that lesson.

The girls also learned about new responsibility from Millie. They took turns feeding and providing water. Later, they started helping with the walks from time to time. They didn’t always handle this well, but they grew through this experience.

As Millie aged, there were new responsibilities and new challenges. She couldn’t manage herself well when we were away so we started using a crate whenever we were gone. Because she had frequent needs at night, Adena didn’t sleep very well for several of the last few years. Honestly, between you and me, it became frustrating and often extremely inconvenient. But I had read Proverbs too many times to miss this verse:

“The righteous care for the needs of their animals, but the kindest acts of the wicked are cruel.”

So I knew we would do what we needed to do. Even if just out of obedience.

The last couple of weeks, Millie started declining rapidly. The vet told us we were close to the end. She had been telling us for a while that “every day you have left with Millie is a gift”, so we were preparing ourselves. Millie stopped eating and drinking on her own. My sweet 14 year old took to giving her water through a syringe the last day or so. As all of this was happening, I started reflecting on that verse even more.

We sat on the floor with Millie last night as a family. I prayed for her to have peace as we said our goodbyes. We laid her in bed knowing that this would likely be the last night. And a little before 3 am, Adena woke me gently with the words, “she’s gone”.

Sorry if I brought you to the point of tears, but I’m there too.

As I laid in the bed, and held my grieving wife, I thought about how much love we developed for this sweet dog. The girls will cry in the morning because Millie became part of our family. There’s a lot to grieve in our world right now as we see friends and close family losing loved humans. Some would say a pet is the same love and the same loss, but as I reflect on this verse, I see it differently.

I think God called attention to the righteous character necessary to care for an animal, because an animal will never be able to tell on you. The evidence of animal negligence and downright cruelty is all around us, because it’s fairly easy to be selfish and not care. I’m ashamed to say it was selfishness that motivated me to not want a dog in the first place.

How well do I show love and care to those who may never return it?

Though she never fed herself, Millie did bring more love and care into our family. She helped us practice living unselfishly and practice made us better at it. We learned a lot from what Millie added to our lives; we will miss her.

Tips from long-time Dunkin CEO Robert Rosenberg

I had an opportunity recently to catch up on some podcasts. One of my current faves is Problem Solvers, by Entrepreneur magazine. This is often a great source of business tips for me.

On a recent episode, Entrepreneur senior editor Jason Feifer interviewed long-time Dunkin CEO Robert Rosenberg. You can listen to the whole thing here.

Dunkin CEO shares business tips

Rosenberg took over Dunkin from his father while he was fresh out of MBA school. He went on to serve the company for thirty-five years as CEO and brought a lot of growth to the company. He also recognizes that he made his fair share of mistakes along the way.

Business tips

Here are a few insights Rosenberg shared with Feifer, which are also profiled in Rosenberg’s recent book, Around the Corner to Around the World:

  • “A young business can starve to death by not having enough resources but it can also die from indigestion by having too much. The business was too broad for the resources we had.” Rosenberg worked with the leadership team to narrow the focus of his dad’s company. They previously offered multiple food categories, but narrowed into just donuts. He said they chose “one design, one menu, one business” and then get out of all of the other categories. Within five years, the company went public and grew revenue 700%.
  • He learned early “the importance of strategy: what you want to be and what you want to have. Which four or five levers are you going to pull to bridge scarce resources to the achievement of those objectives?” When the company grew so fast, Rosenberg decided to try diversifying into different categories for franchising. He found himself making the same mistakes they had made before. Thankfully they realized it quickly and backed up to focus on their narrow niche.
  • “Trust is at the heart of all successful relationships… and the way people trust you is if you’re authentic. I don’t find vulnerability a thing to be ashamed about.” Rosenberg identifies four tests of trust; one is “are your public and private conversations the same?”
  • “Most successful enterprises… you will often find not one person on a white horse that saves the day… you will find a few people working together, complementing each other.”
Business tips from long-time Dunkin CEO, values teamwork

What should be the role of the CEO in a growing business?

Rosenberg suggests that there are four things the CEO should do.

  1. First, shepherd the strategy
  2. Then, build your organization. “Recruit, retain and motivate people to execute your strategy.”
  3. “Serve as Communicator in Chief. Try to align all constituencies around the strategy.” You will need to do this over and over again.
  4. Handle crises when they come up. Prepare in advance by assessing crisis risk and planning for anything you anticipate. When a crisis comes up, pick a small team of experts who can work with the CEO. This team addresses the crisis while everyone else focuses on the everyday business activities. Lastly, increase the communications across the organization. Everyone is feeling the instability; build trust by communicating early and often.
Business tips from long-time Dunkin CEO, navigating crisis

These are meaningful principles all of us can use in our teams and organization. What stands out to you here?

A personal response to the racial unrest in our nation

(Originally posted on Facebook June 1, 2020)

I didn’t have words, but I need to say something.

For years, I have watched painful events go by and social media posts roll through my feed as violence claims lives that should not have been lost. The ones that hurt the most were the ones that said, “if you don’t say something,…”. What could I say? A big part of my world is writing, developing and shaping words for one project or another. I write regularly for multiple organizations and causes. For this though, I have no words.

I didn’t have words, but I need to say something.

What words could help the countless mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters and other family members who were mourning? No words could take away their pain or bring their loved ones back. No words can justify the needless loss that our society will feel because that creative soul, that beautiful life was taken from our world.

I didn’t have words, but I need to say something.

Some of the events involved police violence. I have friends, men and women I respect, who wear the uniform. They have stepped up to serve the community in ways I don’t think I could. All of them grieve when a situation goes down like George Floyd. All of them carry extra stigma or risk when posts fly that implicate officers as though all of them were guilty. No words can defend them or make them feel appreciated when they are judged by the actions of their fellow officers.

I didn’t have words, but I need to say something.

What about so many of my African American friends and people I treasure who are raising African American children? In this world where they live in fear that one of these incidents could hit much closer to home at some point? What about the young people I have invested years of my life in, stories I know, faces I treasure? What about these young African American men and women who I know God has charged to bring transformation to our world? Will my words change their experience? No words can fix those fears or the society that gives rise to them.

I didn’t have words, but I need to say something.

Growing up in a mostly sheltered, mostly white neighborhood and school system, I didn’t really grasp or understand the effects of racism still present in our world today. Coming to the college campus where I connected to a diverse community of Christ-followers helped. Developing deep and sincere friendships with African Americans who had very different stories from my own helped. But I still don’t fathom this to the depths that I would normally prefer when I’m going to write about something. I am grateful for friends who loved and trusted me enough to unpack and contribute to my journey. Even with that though, how could I write a fitting response when I know that I still only understand a portion of the devastation?

I didn’t have words, but I need to say something.

One reason I didn’t have words is because I was looking for words that would heal in every direction and offend in none. My goal typically is to write to encourage and build people up, in their lives and in their faith. I have no words that will do this for everyone. What if I say something that doesn’t love enough? Or makes light of someone else’s pain? Is it better to be silent than say something stupid? I certainly don’t want to be “Job’s friends” in moments like this. Another reason I didn’t have words is because I am traditionally writing words that say “look at me” and I measure the effectiveness of the words by the number of likes and positive comments. But this situation is not one you can easily heal without fear of offense.

Today, I have words and I choose to say something.

I care. I may not always speak up, but please know that it’s more because I don’t know what to say than because I don’t care. I’m going to try to get better.

I’m heartbroken. Sincerely heartbroken for the loss of life that so many families are facing. I won’t try to pretend I can relate but I choose to weep with those who weep.

I’m sorry and I’m grateful. To officers who carry the blame when things go down, who keep serving even when it’s hard.

I hate it. For my friends who live in fear for their lives and the lives of their loved ones.

I’m going to learn. I have been taking notes as friends posted suggested reading in this area. It will take time, but I’m committing to educate myself in this area.

Look at this tragedy. For anyone who isn’t already paying attention, I don’t write this to say “look at me” but to call you to look with me at the effects of racism in our society. Let’s pray and work to bring change, even when we don’t have words.

Side note: for those who, like me for so many years, read these posts but still don’t have the words, I have two encouragements:

  • Listen. Don’t walk away from the conversation when it gets uncomfortable. You may find words eventually, but even if you don’t, caring means paying attention.
  • Show up. If you see a friend in pain in this area, stand with them, serve them, love them in the midst of it.